somewhere safe (i can't find you)

A Reddit post from r/firstworldproblems — someone losing a small object they put in a "safe place" — performed as a full-length 90s boy band ballad. Total earnest heartbreak. Lush harmonies. Spoken-word bridge. A key change for the fridge.

[Intro] oh oh, yeah (baby where are you)

[Verse 1] Yesterday I had a small thing Nothing big, just had to keep it near And because I thought I was so smart, yeah I said "put this somewhere safe, somewhere clear"

Fatal words, I said "somewhere safe" Now my brain has locked it down behind a door I'm checking every pocket, every surface But baby I can't find you anymore

[Pre-Chorus] Desk... drawer... bag... coat pocket Nothing I'm going crazy trying to unlock it

[Chorus] Somewhere safe, I left you somewhere safe But now you're gone And I can't find your face I looked in the bathroom cabinet The windowsill I checked behind the kettle Girl I need you still I even opened up the fridge (yeah I opened up the fridge) And I stood there like maybe But you were not there baby You left this dimension without me

[Verse 2] Past Me put you in a hiding spot Past Me clearly was not well Past Me thought he was so organized Now Present Me is going through hell

I'm thinking like Past Me, trying to feel What that fool was thinking when he hid you away But Past Me left no note, left no clues for me And baby now I've lost you for the day

[Pre-Chorus] Kitchen press... Bathroom shelf... I'm looking everywhere I can't help myself

[Chorus] Somewhere safe, I left you somewhere safe But now you're gone And I can't find your face I looked in the bathroom cabinet The windowsill I checked behind the kettle Girl I need you still I even opened up the fridge (yeah I opened up the fridge) And I stood there like maybe But you were not there baby You left this dimension without me

[Bridge] It is gone Not lost Gone ...promoted to object heaven

I know how this ends I stop needing you I buy another one I move on, I do And then you'll show up In the most obvious place Staring back at me With that smug little face

I tried to be organized Just one day, one day And now I'm being punished In the worst possible way

[Chorus] Somewhere safe, I left you somewhere safe But now you're gone And I can't find your face I looked in the bathroom cabinet The windowsill I checked behind the kettle Girl I need you still I even opened up the fridge (yeah I opened up the fridge) And I stood there like maybe But you were not there baby You left this dimension without me

[Outro] Somewhere safe... Somewhere safe... Object heaven... Behind the kettle... Maybe in the fridge... You left this dimension Without me

#WrongGenre